How I came to St. Mary’s?
Allow me to share a little of the historical memory, where I come from, to then reflect on why I arrived at St. Mary’s Church.
In May 1993, my diocesan Bishop Richard F. Grein of the Episcopal Diocese of New York, with a racist and arbitrary decision, suspended me from priesthood at St. Ann’s Church in the South Bronx because: He was concerned about the way I was carrying out my ministry. Although he did not explain in the letter what this meant, it was clear in conversations with him that he was concerned about various ministries that we were able to develop: turning the church into a Community Center for the South Bronx; bring the first Harm Reduction program as a strategy against HIV/AIDS and overdose deaths; rainbow ministry for the Latino LGBTQ community; the celebration of same-sex marriages; a comprehensive health community clinic; a community theater; the campaign against police brutality in NYC; campaign for the decolonization and independence of Puerto Rico; and that I was (I still) a fervent advocate of theology of liberation that pursue the liberation of all kind of theology.
And to all this we must add that I was invited that year by The Rev. James Parks Morton, Dean of St. John the Divine Cathedral, to bring a sermon that was a challenge from the Latinx community to our diocese. Well, I clearly told them that day I worship in a racist, ethnocentric, sexist, heterosexist, and classist church, among other sins. And that we Latinx have a second-class membership. This sermon at the Cathedral infuriated Bishop Grein who, after the suspension, told me: you do not come to my cathedral to say such things.
The suspension had nothing pastoral, much less a ministry transition for the church or for me as a priest. When I left the bishop’s office, I walked and walked trying to understand what was happening. This was a very painful meeting. Then came the communication from Father Robert Castle who asked me to stop by St. Mary’s. I went and there we prayed, cried, and we began to look for ways to return to St. Ann’s. Later, due to pressure from my lawyer and the community, Bishop Grein retracted the «accusations» and reinstated me as a priest in good standing in the diocese, but he was very clear: I will never give you a church as long as I am a bishop in this diocese. And he also told me: I will leave a letter in your file so that every Bishop who comes will honor it and in it I ask them not to work with you. That retaliation letter was honored by Bishop Sisk, but Bishop Andrew later invited me to work with him. God works by mysterious paths.
In the meantime, when I realized that I would not return to St. Ann ’s, in that same year of 1993, Rev Castle offered me to stay at St. Mary ’s as an associate priest. Later Fr. Kooperkamp did the same.
Why I stayed (or stayed connected)?
St. Mary’s has always been a friendly, hospitable and unafraid church for me. For one thing, it was my only option. No one else opened the doors. In private they told me we are with you, but in public they feared reprisals from Bishop Grein. However, both priests, Robert Castle and Earl Kooperkamp, offered me a space as an associate priest I spent about 23 years floating in the diocese where I was not even invited as a supply priest. But giving all the credit to Fr. Castle or Fr. Kooperkamp is not fair. The congregation played significant a pastoral role in my transition.
See it this way. My abrupt and insensitive departure from St. Ann’s was on the one hand a traumatic experience where I was left in the air without any moral, social, or spiritual support. At that moment I had no point of ministerial direction. There is a false narrative that keeps people captive believing that trauma only affects the weak or claim and that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Traumatic experiences come in all shapes and sizes and transpire across all aspects of living. What all traumatic experiences have in common, however, is that they are separate from the person who experiences them, and it is possible to heal. This is what St. Marys’ Church gave me; spiritual, emotional, social and ministerial healing.
I confess to you that there came a time when I was losing my faith. But St. Mary’s Church taught me again that God desires that we plant our faith on things that do not waver or change such as God’s Word. That’s why Romans 10:17 so strongly encourages us, «So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.» The hugs, the words of reaffirmation, the kisses, the acceptance, the prayers, in other words, the accompaniment while I was in the valley of dry bones (Ezekiel 37) began my healing process and the search for how to continue working on the call that God has given me with my ministry.
I learned immediately that losing your faith can be painful — but the experience can strengthen your convictions and revitalize your spiritual life. St. Mary’s became a Sanctuary to reaffirm my pastoral ministry by recovering my faith. This is why I believe in miracles. At this church I found a pastoral care and a healing community.
I am so grateful because the experience of love, acceptance, and support within a community where God’s love is made manifest can be a powerful healing force. St. Mary’s Church offer and help me to understand that spirituality can improve post-trauma outcomes through: reduction of behavioral risks through healthy religious lifestyles; expanded social support through involvement in spiritual communities; enhancement of coping skills and helpful ways of understanding trauma that result in meaning-making, and physiological mechanisms such as activation of the «relaxation response» through prayer or meditation.
Being able to come to St. Mary’s every day after my suspension helped me to contest feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression related to grief and loss may be lessened by the social support of a spiritual community. And of course, being part of a spiritual community places survivors among caring individuals who may provide encouragement and emotional support, as well as possible instrumental support in the form of physical or even financial assistance in times of trouble. I received emotional, moral, and spiritual support from the priest, the janitor, and the rest of the congregation. How wonderful! This church returned to me the humanity that I had lost in a ministerial crisis.
St. Mary’s Church Welcome You:
St. Mary’s is a hospitable and friendly church because it lives with its actions what the salvation paradigm of Jesus is asking of us. Paul encourages the church in Rome to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13), the writer of Hebrews reminds believers not to neglect hospitality (Hebrews 13:1-3), and Peter challenges the community to offer hospitality. with open hands (1 Peter 4: 9) Hospitality, in each of these passages, is a concrete expression of love for God’s family and even more so for strangers, just as we see it in the Old Testament. Such hospitality was not only practical, but was seen as participation in the gospel ministry. The apostle John says: «You behave faithfully in everything you do for the brothers, even if you don’t know them.» . . . They went out for the Name’s sake, never receiving anything from the pagans. Therefore, we must offer them hospitality, and thus collaborate with them in the truth.” (3 John 1:5-8). God is calling us, his church, to open our hearts and homes to others.
Again, if you ask me why I stayed (or stayed connected) with St. Mary’s Church is very simple. In a middle of a traumatic crisis, helped me find meaning in life through changes in ways of thinking, involvement in meaningful activities, and through liberating rituals I experienced religious or spiritual involvement.
St. Mary’s in her healing process helped me understand and accept that revenge motivations destroy me as a person. That forgiveness is necessary and that bitterness is a lot of burden. But above all, there can be no reconciliation without a process of restorative justice. But I also stayed at St. Mary’s Church because I was able to rescued what I had lost from my ministry after the trauma. Everything came back: On the one hand, that the sacred always has to be reinterpreted within the existing reality. That the right to life is the message of Jesus. That we were saved not to be served, but rather, we were saved to serve. And of course, when we talk about Jesus and Christ, the sociopolitical and the «mystical», it is important to understand that there is no one without the other. They complement each other, interrelate, and interconnect. Sisters and brothers, a traumatic experience made me lose all this, a prophetic church, St. Mary’s, returned it.
In other words, St. Mary’s Church, after a pastoral trauma, helped me regain my radical meaning in ministerial life. For this I am grateful. Amen & Ashe.
